What Does It Really Mean To Deny Yourself?

We live in a self-world. Full of self-love, self-worth, self-promotion, and of course selfies. Over a million selfies are uploaded to social media every day. Whether you think they're the most amazing thing ever or the low point of human culture, selfies are firmly cemented in our modern self-made society. We are consumed by ourselves. So when we hear we must deny ourselves, that sounds ridiculous. To deny yourself feels impossible. We think denying ourselves is keeping us from something good and punishing ourselves. However, what if that is not what Jesus thought when He gave the command to follow Him? What if the greatest blessing awaits those who deny themselves? What if your purpose was connected to a commitment to deny yourself? 

Why Does God Want Us to Deny Ourselves?

When Jesus talked about denying yourself it was not as a punishment from a vindictive God who is withholding from you. On the contrary, the invitation to deny yourself was always given as a way to fully live. Jesus invites you to really live by denying yourself. You can’t follow Jesus without denying yourself. But what does that really look like and why are we so afraid to deny ourselves? 

"As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” - Mark 10:17 NIV

In Mark 10:17-22 we are given a little insight into why this is so important in following Christ and why it’s such a struggle. Remember Jesus is calling us to leave the crowd and commit to following Him. And He is going to keep calling out for us to follow Him and what it means for them to deny themselves so that they can follow His lead. 

We don’t know this man’s name, but we learn enough about him from the other writers of Scripture that he is referred to as the “Rich Young Ruler.” So this guy is rich, he is probably young and he is wealthy. You have to give him credit for asking the right question. He wants to know, how do I start to really live and have this eternal, abundant, life that I have always heard about? He was doing everything he could to become successful. Gaining money, fame, influence, and power, but he is still empty. That did not work, so he also tried to become religious. Tries to find fulfillment in life in religion and morality. Prove his worth. Prove he is able. He has turned to both the world and religion to find life and both leave him empty. 

Denying yourself is letting Jesus take the lead in your life. Denying yourself is following His lead instead of following you. Denying yourself is surrendering to Jesus’ lead instead of following yours. Surrendering your plans, your desires, your wants to follow him. Allowing him to be the center of your life, not just an addition to your life. Denying yourself is a gift that opens your life to all God has for you.

What To Remember When Denying Ourselves

1. You will never fully live until you give yourself fully to following Jesus

At the end of the day, the rich ruler was really about nothing more than himself and that was enough to stand in the way between him and the life he needed—the life Jesus wanted to give him. All of us, at some point or another, are going to have the kind of encounter with Jesus that the rich ruler had. Over and over again as we follow Jesus we are going to have to decide whether we are going to say yes to what we want or say yes to what Jesus wants for us. 

When we deny ourselves, we make room for God to have His way in our lives. True life is what awaits those who lay it all down. The safest, most-‐secure, most purpose-filled place in the world, is when we say yes to what God wants and no to what we want. If only in denying ourselves are we able to open ourselves up to all that God has for us, then what keeps us from doing that? What keeps you from what will give you the courage and trust to open your hand in surrender to follow Jesus Christ? 

2. Realize who is asking you to deny yourself

Surrender always requires love and trust in the person that is asking. The issue is not the value of what I'm holding or having to surrender. The issue is "Who is asking me to surrender?" Surrender always requires trust. Regarding those we trust and love, we are willing to do what they ask. When the man approached Jesus and said, “Good Teacher,” it was that moment that Jesus started to press this issue. Only God is good. Jesus knew what was about to happen. He wanted this man to realize that what He was asking him to do would only make sense if he knew who was asking it. Jesus was saying, “Do you really know who I am? Do you believe that I am good? Do you really believe that I am God in the flesh? I am the great I Am. I am the Creator of all of life. I am the Alpha and Omega. I am the One that holds all things in My hand.”

Everything that was made was made for Christ and through Christ. We do not surrender everything for nothing—we surrender for a Person—Jesus Christ and He is worth it.

How to Deny Yourself and Follow Jesus

1. Give yourself permission to let go

You have permission to let go of everything that is holding you back from following Jesus and experiencing the fullness of life that He is offering. What you could not walk away from, He has given you the authority and ability to let it go and follow Him. There is no past struggle, no addiction, no heartache, no struggle that you can’t through the authority and power of Jesus let go, so you can follow Him. Jesus has released you and freed you from what has held you long enough. 

It’s easy to look at this guy and go, “Well if I had that money I would do it.” Well, yeah because that’s not what holds you. I guarantee there is something in your life that letting go of feels like you’re dying. Think about this guy, it says, “He walked away sad.” Why? Because he thought he was trapped and could not be free, therefore he was not willing to deny himself and follow Jesus. 

Jesus goes, “You are right. In your power it is impossible. You can’t save yourself from the sin that is killing you. You can’t free yourself from the power of sin, you can’t free yourself. But when I call you to follow Me, I am not just inviting you to follow Me, I am giving you the very power to do it. It’s impossible with you, but not with God. Through following me God’s power is releasing you, healing you, saving you, freeing you. What was impossible is possible with God.”  

2. Focus on what you gain instead of what you give up

Many times the fear of what we will have to give up in denying ourselves keeps us from following Jesus. In those moments, just like this guy, we walk up to Jesus and can not open his hand to give what he has because he can’t see that he is being offered something so much greater. By denying ourselves, we don’t lose anything, we gain so much more. When we lay aside personal goals, desires, and ambitions, God reveals the goals, desires, and ambitions He has for us. God wants greater things for us than we can imagine for ourselves.

Conclusion