If you’ve ever wondered if your teenager is heading in the right direction for their lives, you’re in good company. Parenting a teenager is one of the most difficult assignments you’ll ever face, but it is also one of the most rewarding.
While many people talk about dreading the teenage years of their kids, I want to advocate to leverage and find joy in it. Teenagers are less capable then they give themselves credit for but more capable than adults give them credit for. I mean, the disciples themselves were believed to be teenagers and they changed the world!
But if you really want to see a teenager that can conquer the world, look no further than a teenager wholeheartedly following Jesus. What they are about to accomplish through their passion and service is second to none.
These are the most formative years in their lives. The point is to capitalize on these years and not let them go to waste. And yes, that even means those pesky middle school years.
As parents, we remember our teenage years. Awkward in middle school, unwise is high school, constant insecurities, bad relationships, unforgettable memories galore. It’s often times remembered as the best and worst years of our lives. If only we knew then what we know now!
When it comes to parenting teenagers, now its our job to help transfer some of this wisdom (attained by bad decision making) to the people God has entrusted us to raise. So what do we do? How do we as parents lead our children and protect them when we can’t control their every move like we could when they were toddlers?
The Bible gives us a great answer to this and it’s much simpler than you think.
Proverbs 11:14
English Standard Version
Where there is no guidance, a people falls,
but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
In season of life in which your teenagers act as if they don’t want guidance, the role of the parents is to surround them with an abundance of guidance. It’s about making sure that every moment your student isn’t with you, they are able to connect with someone who is able to give them Godly wisdom.
There are countless studies that show the importance of teenagers having an influential adult outside of their parents pouring into them. It gives the student tremendous value and wisdom. Let’s face it, there will be times that your teenager wants to talk to anyone, but you. So why not fight to surround them with people who will say what you will say and value the same things you will value?
The same goes for the friends that students keep. We’ve all heard the cliché phrases.
You are the company you keep.
You are the average of 5 people you spend the most time with.
Your friends determine the quality and the direction of your life.
These are just phrases that people come up with. They are truth that I have seen lived out in the lives of teenagers all of the time. Even the Bible makes this concept very clear.
Proverbs 18:24
English Standard Version
A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 13:20
English Standard Version
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,
but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Just these two verses share so much truth.
When you have many friends, but no deep friendships, you run into issues. Many companions is what students fight for right now. Very few have deep friendships. The majority of them are looking for the next superficial friendship or relationship that will elevate their status and gain them more followers on social media. There is no depth to friendships like this. The goal is always to find a few friends that influence in the right direction. But that’s the tension. How do we help teenagers find the right people who influence them in the right ways?
Here at Journey Church, it’s an easy answer.
Journey Students.
Journey students exists to help students connect to Christ, Community, and their Calling. Every week students are connected to a dedicated and consistent adult leader who has been trained to lead students through the specific season of life they are in. So parents, you get another adult in your corner who will echo Christian values to your teenager for two hours every Wednesday night.
You get to have your teenager surrounded by other kids who are being taught about Jesus encouraged to grow in their faith. They have the opportunity to talk about their success and their struggles. In a generation of teenagers that always feel alone, you give your teenager the opportunity to connect with people who care about them every week.
So the question is, how do you make this connection? How do you make sure your teenager’s leader partners with you?
1. Connect them to student ministry
One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is see that your teenager’s discipleship path needs to be contextualized. Something can only be applied when it is relevant and understood. Intentional student ministries help make the gospel easier to grasp for teenagers. But it takes more than just connection.
2. Consistently bring them to student ministry
It is hard to form any kind of habit or view with any importance if it is not prioritized or consistent. Your teenager may not like it at first, especially if you have to convince them, but this is where you get remind them that you are the parent. You get to make these decisions. Your teenager can only grow and meet other people if it remains a consistent priority in their life.
3. Be part of the action
No matter what people may think, no one will have a greater impact on the life and direction of a teenager the way their parent can. As a parent, you don’t drop your kid off to a ministry and hope someone else can fix them. You get involved. You partner with the leaders pouring in. You clue them in to what is happening at school and at home. Your engagement in this time is more vital than it has ever been. Even if your teenager doesn’t want to talk to you, you can still be involved by how connected you are with the people they want to talk to.