To Be the Man, You Have to Know the Man

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 – James Hilton

Our culture has confused manhood with age, achievement, and milestones, but Scripture teaches that true manhood is not something you arrive at automatically—it is something you intentionally grow into. Ultimately, biblical manhood is not something we manufacture through effort; it is something we receive and live out as we follow Jesus, the perfect example of strength, courage, and love. This week, we will look at what the Bible has to say about manhood. And ladies, lean in there is a powerful message for you as well.

1. Read 1 Corinthians 16:13–14. Paul paints a picture of mature manhood: a man stays alert, stands firm in his faith, leads with God-given courage, and loves sacrificially, even when it costs him. Can you name someone in your life who lives this way? Which one of those five would you say needs some work in your life right now, and why?
2. The previous verses are commands for all of us. God never gives us a command if He hasn’t already given us the ability to obey the command. How does this idea bring you comfort? How does this idea challenge you?
3. In this message, Pastor James talks about the difference between being a maleand becoming a man. He says, “Being a male is biology. It happens to you. But becoming a man is something else entirely.” What’s your reaction to that distinction? Does it ring true to you?
4. Pastor James draws a line between boys and men this way: “Boys blame. Men take ownership.”Where in your life right now — in your relationships, your work, your faith — are you most tempted to point the finger outward instead of turning it on yourself?
5. Pastor James describes a quiet tension that most men carry — “Am I actually becoming who I am supposed to be, or am I just getting older while staying the same?”Have you ever felt that tension? What does this tension look like?
6. Pastor James describes a cycle many men get stuck in — swinging between self-reliance and self-doubt, between grabbing the wheel and letting go of it. He says Paul’s answer is not “try harder”but something that “breaks the entire cycle down at the root.”In your own words, what is that answer, and how is it different from just trying harder?
7. Pastor James points to Adam in the Garden as the first example of male passivity. The serpent was twisting God’s Word, Eve was being deceived, and Adam was standing right there — saying nothing. He argues that “the first failure of a man in the Bible is not violence, it is silence.” What does that say about what God expects from men?
8. When talking about standing firm in the faith, Pastor James uses the image of trees after a hurricane. He says, “You don’t get to grow roots during the storm — when the wind is already screaming, the only thing left to do is find out whether you grew any.”What are the everyday, unglamorous habits, he says, that actually build those roots? Why do you think those things are so easy to skip?
9. Read 1 Peter 5:8. Sin never stays in its lane. It is never just a private matter. When a man goes passive, it is never only about him. It leaves his kids defenseless. It leaves his marriage exposed. It leaves the people closest to him to take the hit for the watch he stopped keeping. There is always collateral damage when a watchman stops watching. How does this thought change what it looks like to lead a family or a relationship?
10. For the women in the room: Pastor James said your role is not to fix the men in your life but to “pray them up”— and that is what he described as what the Holy Spirit can form in a man. What would it look like practically for you to pray specifically for the men in your life using these five marks as your guide?
11. Pastor James describes his dad caring for his mom through Parkinson’s — doing the small, unglamorous, unnoticed things day after day without complaining. He says he watched his dad’s love growthrough sacrifice rather than shrink. Who in your life right now needs that kind of costly, consistent love from you — and what is it actually costing you to give it, or what would it cost you to start giving it?
12. Pastor James says most men don’t drift from God because they consciously reject Him — they drift because they “slowly, quietly stop anchoring themselves to truth.”Looking honestly at your life, what does your current spiritual diet look like? Are you growing roots, or just growing taller?

Prayer

Father, I will be honest with You — I have spent a lot of time getting older without actually growing up. I have gone quiet when I should have spoken up. I have grabbed the wheel when I should have been on my knees. I have called it strength when it was really just pride, and I have called it rest when it was really just checking out.

I do not want to keep doing that. I want to be the man You actually created me to be — not the version my culture is selling, not the version I perform for other people, but the real thing. Alert. Anchored. Courageous. Sacrificial. Surrendered to You.

I know I cannot manufacture that on my own. So I am not asking You to cheer me on while I try harder. I am asking You to do what only You can do — make me into this man, one surrendered day at a time. Lead me. Strengthen me. Help me love the people in front of me well.

I am done pretending I have it figured out. I am ready to start becoming.

In the name of Jesus, Amen.